Fire Escape Ramblings

Ok, so Friday I guess is where I left off. Friday I went to Theology class in the morning for me, which was like 1pm (ha). Theology is definitely my favorite class out of the two I have on campus. We talked mostly about general and special revelation. It is a sweet class. Then I went and dropped of my laptop to get the screen replaced and then met my roomate and the girl he is talking with (Sarah) and we drove to the T and went downtown to go to a coffee house this church (City Life) was hosting. It was really good and the musicians were all legitimately talented. It didn't hurt that the coffee and food was great.

The most pleasant suprise was that I ran into the only person I knew before I came here in Boston, Michael Roberts. Michael Roberts was raised Jewish, and he started coming to church with me and gave his life to the Lord at some point in that process. This was back when I was a senior. He now goes to New England Conservatory and he is still on fire for the Lord. He always IMs me and asks Biblical questions. A lot of the time I feel like I blow him off, which is stupid of me. It was really encouraging to see him and hear about his life. God has been faithful to him, and it is amazing to me that the Lord used me in his life.

Dave and Sarah went out dancing after, something I chose not to accompany them to (would have been kinda awkward and I wasnt going to pay to go do something I don't like doing). So yea. I lost my keys that night, and I thought they fell off on the T, but they didn't and Dave found them in his car. I had Brad take me over on Saturday to go get my car again (since I had to get a ride home Friday, cause I didn't have my keys). Since then I have just been chillin and reading and watching football. The Redskins absolutely broke my heart today, blowing a 17-3 halftime lead to lose 24-17, missing the endzone on 4th and goal on the 1. WOW!

I'm reading the autobiography of Malcolm X for Islam class. It is already moving. I chose it because I thought it would be shortest of my book choices, and it was the cheapest on amazon. Its like 400 pages though, ha. Anyways, I'm not a rascist, but I think we all have our rascist thoughts and stereotypes of people. I don't know. I think it is important for everyone to read stuff like this. It isn't just black history, its all of our history. It is the horrible past of our country. It moves me. There were frightening words in the first chapter. Malcolm X says that he thinks he will one day die from an act of violence. Self-prophesy. Crazy.

So things spiritually aren't good. I'm not going to lie. I am not spending time with the Lord. And the more time I am not with the Lord, the more its difficult to seek Him. Its rediculous. It will change.

Ok, so those are the events of my life; these are the things floating around in my head. So I didn't get, as of right now, the job at the church. Some of the reasons were that they are much more traditional than I am used to, and they know I have a lot of responsibilities as a student. But one of the main reasons was a conversation we had at lunch. I asked them their opinion on certain Christian liberties as drinking and smoking and such. They weren't against them at all. But they felt I was smug about my Christian liberties, which was completely odd. I don't really talk about them much; I only asked because I felt things were going well, and knowing they were Baptist and would be my spiritual authorities if I worked at the church, I wanted to know what they wanted me to do. I tried to clarify this in my email.

Christian liberties and all just seem frustrating to me. They seem more of a hassel. I want to just say never practice anything anyone questions out of making life easier, but I feel like that is just giving up and not standing up for anything. For example, the Holy Smokes experience was one of great spiritual and evangelistic value I thought, and I have had so many experiences like that, that I thing there is more than just abstaining from everything. It is interesting how the church has varied of the years on these subjects. Early in church history, abstaining from everything was the godliest situation. Not having any money or possessions was spiritual. Now, sometimes, embracing freedom is viewed as spiritual. Where is the line?

As for life in general, I am frustrated with people that seem to show of their spirituality. It seems like some people are so quick to point out their spiritual experiences or feelings towards everything, in situations where it isn't natural but makes them look good. However, their spiritual shortcomings aren't mentioned. JR has always found one of the most interesting things about me is that I share my sin pretty openly. Living with him, he would know if I messed up in an area or didn't seek the Lord. I would confront him on it. Now I wonder if that kind of stuff, in situations like that church, hurts me. Am I always to pretend I am doing great? People say I say a lot of negative things sometimes. At what point can I actually be genuine and at what point do I need to act. Isn't it our fakeness that pushes so many unbelievers away? The entirity of life just seems to be confusing me right now.

The hippies really encourage me (the ones I keep meeting) because they are self-sacrificing. I am so selfish all the time. They share everything. And they seem to genuinely care about people and enjoy life.

I had some cool time on my fire escape outside of my room. I sat there and listened to music and drank coffee. It is one place I feel completely tucked away. I am scared of heights though, and it is like 30-40 feet up, so it is kinda freaky. I listened some to Lou Giglio's sermon on Jeans and the Will of God and all from passion, which is the only sermon I have heard like many times over and over again. One thing he said was that whatever you do in life, don't do it half heartedly. I wanna pursue my life with full out passion, to enjoy it. I wonder if I am going into the write vocation. The Lord will guide me. BTW, since she is like one of two people who reads this, I wanna shout out to Victoria, who I think is very genuine. HA. Anyways I am tired and rambling.